Creative Being

Negative People

I met a young man this week. I didn’t like him at first. He came across as a know-it-all-bad-ass. Bad attitude. I made some early judgments. However, one thing that I always try to do in these situations is be present and be respectful. Even though what he was seeking from me was not a big deal and I could have easily sent him on his way, it didn’t work out that way.

I don’t even remember now, how we dipped below the surface. But the conversation went below the presenting questions and I realized that I had before me a human being who was in as much pain as anyone I have ever met. It wasn’t within the scope of my job to do therapy, so I gave him what I could: my undivided attention. What I have found out over the years, is that so-called negative people are really just people in pain.

I have also found out that when you see their pain, that they no longer appear negative. They appear no more negative than someone who is physically hurt or ill. You would never take a look at someone who had a broken arm or who was having a heart attack and say, I’m avoiding YOU because YOU are so negative. You just wouldn’t. You would help as best you could and if you couldn’t manage it, you’d get them help. You just would.

To label someone negative is actually quite self-defeating. It assumes that you are different, perhaps better, even more evolved. I’ve also noticed people who label others as negative think of them as being almost diseased, as if their negativity will be catching and hinder their life somehow. That’s simply a belief and it can be changed. Labeling someone as negative takes away any chance you have of being able not only to give but also of being able to receive the gifts this person brings.

The gift that this person brought me? I have no other way to describe it but to say that it felt like being in the presence of god. I don’t even believe in a personified god. But there are times when I am with a person that I have judged in some way to be negative or less than myself and that veil lifts. When that veil lifts, I see them for the soul that they are, striving and doing the best they can. When their outward appearance of being negative makes perfect sense. It is a divine moment.

So a few days ago, I’m having this divine moment and my phone starts ringing. And ringing. First it is each of my daughters. Then a co-worker. People come by my office. The trance is broken and I pause and deal with all the interruptions. We resume our conversation until it is complete.

These divine moments don’t necessary come at so-called perfect times. They come when they come. There is something so special about them that they are worth letting them happen. But they only happen when the judgment is set aside and the heart is open.

The Bottle Garden

Oh, how I wish a had pictures. Now two days later, the wonder is fading a bit. But two days ago, my daughter and I shared a magical meeting with a magical lady in her magical garden in Houston.

Added November 15, 2008: I found this magical place again. When my mom visited Houston with me in May she wanted to see it. We drove the streets until we found it again. This woman's art had evolved in the year since we had seen her and the garden was even more amazing. Here is a picture. The website for the garden is no longer online and Miss Erma didn't want her picture taken.

 

Magic Meetings

I just added another category called Magic Meetings. I usually have more doubts about everything than I care to admit. But then, when I least expect it, I'll meet someone and it will have that feel about it, that magic or sense of being in the right place at the right time, that leaves me with no doubt whatsoever, that I'm in the right place at the right time. Sometimes it's dramatic, like when I preformed the Heimlich maneuver and saved my Mom's life. Sometimes it's when as part of a routine advising session, I ask the right question and a student realizes what it is they want to do. One morning walking my dog, I found a man lying on his driveway unable to get up. One day a woman I had known for months told me about her child, left behind in another country, and the grief she felt all the time.

To me these meetings are like sign posts that say, Hey you are heading the right way. Sometimes they have an absolutely magical feel. I don't know how else to describe it but they are also accompanied by a physical feel that is unlike any other situation. Anyway, I had one yesterday which is going to be my next post.